


perfect game

by tnr92



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, They're just disasters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29855739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tnr92/pseuds/tnr92
Summary: After college-aged Shelby has spent two years struggling to meet girls, her best friend and roommate Becca tells her about a girl who works at the local bowling alley.College AU in which Shelby has zero game, Toni is oblivious, and Shelby just really wants to finally go out on a date.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 58
Kudos: 709





	perfect game

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little something that I wrote for a friend on Twitter; it's meant to be pure comedy so hope you guys enjoy it. You can find me at https://twitter.com/tnr92tnr92.

For Shelby, coming out had been difficult.

Growing up in a religious home with parents who literally ran a Bible-centric exercise business had left her with a dilemma that had plagued her for most of high school—because Shelby had figured out the whole gay thing by the end of her sophomore year, mostly thanks to her massive crush on her best friend Becca, and had spent the next two years terrified of what’d happen if anyone in her family or at her church ever found out. She’d even gotten a boyfriend to cover it up, and had waited until she was off at college to finally dump him and confess the truth. 

She’d been ready to lose everything, and for a few days she’d thought she had. But then her mother had come around just a little, had words with her father, and he’d been blatant with her about why she hadn’t been completely cut off from them: Shelby has spent years being prepped to take over the family business, is even going to school to get the right degree for it, and throwing her away would likely mean handing it over to Spencer or Melody one day, who are both… _unsuitable_ , to say the least. 

Shelby’s starting to think that this next part—the part where she actually tries to date girls—is going to be just as difficult. 

She’s on her second year of rooming with Becca by the time they’re a couple of months into their sophomore year of college, and Becca’s also the only girl Shelby’s ever kissed: right near the end of freshman year, while they were both drunk, and Shelby’s 100% sure it was out of pity on Becca’s end. It’d been better than kissing Andrew had been, but Shelby’s crush has been dead for a while now and it’d felt more like practice for the real thing more than anything else. 

She’s tried a dating app, once. A few girls wanted to have threesomes with their boyfriends, a few others accused _Shelby_ of having a secret boyfriend and fishing for threesomes herself, and one was even convinced she was a catfish—Becca informed her later that the pageant photos on her profile weren’t the best idea. One girl sent Shelby a vulgar message about what she’d like to do to her and Shelby’d had enough and deleted it. 

Real life isn’t much better, because no one can fucking tell that Shelby’s gay, apparently, and Shelby’s too shy and too new to all of this to make herself do the approaching. 

It’s tragic. 

So when Becca says, one day, “You should come bowling with me this time; there’s a girl there that’s totally your type,” Shelby’s a little skeptical but also a bit receptive.

“I don’t have a type,” she says anyway, because how can Becca know anything about that when Shelby’s never even had a girlfriend, and Becca just smiles at her from across the table—they’re at a café on campus, having lunch together—and shakes her head. 

“You definitely do. I watched you try Tinder, remember?”

“What is it?” Shelby asks, because she’d really like to know.

“Dark hair,” Becca starts. “Someone passionate—I swear you spent more time reading about their hobbies than you did looking at their pictures.” 

“I needed conversation-starters,” Shelby interjects, defensive. 

“Sweet,” Becca goes on, and looks at Shelby almost fondly. “Definitely someone who’s a big softie deep down, and laid back most of the time. But she needs a fiery side, too, ‘cause I think you could use someone who’d stand up for you.”

Shelby feels a bit like she’s just gone to a fortune teller and been read completely correctly, because all of that really does sound absolutely perfect, and she just looks back at Becca uncomfortably and says, “Sometimes you freak me out a little.”

“Ten years of friendship,” Becca replies, beaming. “Anyway, you should come meet her.”

“How can you be sure that she’s all of this stuff?”

“Paid attention,” Becca says immediately. “She’s gay, too.”

“How do you know?”

“Just wait ‘til you see her.”

***

The girl handing out shoes to bowlers from behind the counter is definitely gay. 

Shelby’s gaydar is bad, but it’s not literally non-functional, and… yeah. She’s wearing a brown men’s jacket over her uniform and her voice is… just, _yeah_. Shelby can’t stop staring while they wait in line.

“…Oh.”

“You’re welcome,” Becca says, grinning at her, but Shelby isn’t anywhere close to thanking her because now she’s utterly terrified. The line ahead of them is getting shorter and the girl—Toni, her nametag says—is the one asking how many games each party wants and then taking their payments, too.

“I have to pee,” Shelby blurts, and Becca seizes her arm and holds her in place before she can flee the line, giving her a knowing look.

“Just tell her two games, she’ll ask your shoe size, and hand her your card. Baby steps, Shelby. You’ve had two years to prepare yourself.”

“I don’t think I used them wisely,” Shelby reflects, remembering the way she’d thrown herself into her classes to distract from the misery of being perpetually single and perpetually bad at talking to girls, and Becca squeezes her arm comfortingly. 

“I come here all the time; she knows who I am,” Becca explains. “It’ll be easy.”

“She’s here every day?” Shelby can’t help but ask, and Becca looks like she wants to laugh.

“Almost. Tragically, I did not memorize her schedule for you.”

Shelby colors. “That’s not what I meant—”

The group in front of them clears out and suddenly Toni’s looking right at them, and Becca releases Shelby’s arm as they move forward to the counter. 

“Hey, Becca,” Toni says easily. “Two games like usual?” Her eyes shift to look at Shelby and Shelby averts her gaze immediately, busying herself with rummaging through her purse for her card. 

“What do you think, Shelby?” Becca pushes, and Shelby clears her throat and nods. 

“Sure.” She finally finds her card and makes herself look at Toni, who’s still watching her calmly, and Shelby tries not to let her face get hot or to stare too long into Toni’s brown eyes. Becca always brings her own bowling shoes, so Shelby just says, “I’m a size six.” 

“Got it.” Toni takes the card Shelby offers, swipes it, and then says, “You guys are at lane 29; be right back,” and places the card on the counter for Shelby to retrieve. Shelby looks at Becca, pained, as soon as Toni’s gone.

“That wasn’t bad,” Becca encourages her, but she looks ready to crack up again.

“I was so obvious,” Shelby worries, panicked, and Becca shakes her head.

“Actually, if anything, you were a little too cold.”

Toni returns with the shoes, and as she places them on the counter, she laughs and says to Becca, “Your friend has small feet; it’s cute.”

Shelby knows right then that she’s so incredibly screwed. It’s the outfit, the laugh, the eyes, the hair, the voice, and the word “cute” coming out of Toni’s mouth to describe something about _her_ all at once—instantly Shelby’s halfway to being in love.

“She’s a cutie,” Becca jokes, and then she takes Shelby’s shoes for her and steers her away before Shelby can keep gawking at Toni any longer. “Told you,” she hisses to Shelby triumphantly as they head for their lane. 

“I’m never coming back here again,” Shelby decides, and Becca laughs like she knows Shelby won’t be able to stay away.

***

Shelby definitely comes back—though it takes another two weeks, and this time she comes alone, on the same day and time she’d come with Becca before, just to ensure that Toni’s on the clock.

Shelby can’t bowl, not even remotely, and the bowling alley food is absolutely atrocious, so there’s really no reason to go other than to spend time with her friends or to creep on Toni, and she tries not to think about how weird she must look alone in line as she waits for her turn to talk to Toni at the counter.

The tentative plan is a repeat of last time, but like, in a normal way. Nothing extra, no hint of flirting at all, just smile and convey information like a functioning adult. Shelby thinks she might be able to manage it, but the butterflies in her stomach are making it hard not to feel incredibly nervous.

Toni makes it easier on her by greeting her, “Oh, hey. No Becca today?”

Shelby goes tight-lipped and shakes her head, then remembers that normal people speak to each other. “Not today. Just me.”

“Size six, right?” Toni gives her a teasing smile. “Do you want hours or games this time?”

“Just a game.” She recognizes right away that Toni’s being friendly and easygoing but that Shelby’s just giving her nothing back, and she berates herself for it inwardly even as she hands her card over. Toni brings her her shoes and she rushes away so quickly that she leaves her card behind on the counter.

She’s just gotten done throwing her third gutter ball in a row when she feels a tap on her shoulder, and when she turns Toni’s right there, holding out her card. “Hey, you left this.”

Shelby gives a start at the sight of her and then blurts, “Oh, thanks,” and takes it back so hastily that Toni seems surprised by her frenetic energy. Shelby watches her eyes slide past Shelby to the screen displaying the scores, and then Toni looks like she’s biting back a smile.

“Yikes,” Toni says, and when Shelby just blinks at her, her smile fades. “Sorry. Not trying to, like, shit on your bowling skills or anything. It was just a joke.”

“It was funny,” Shelby rushes to reassure her, and Toni just arches an eyebrow at her and then nods shortly.

“‘Kay,” she says, and then looks a little uncertain as she leaves. 

Shelby turns and half-heartedly throws another ball into the gutter, hating herself a little, and later she tries not to spend too much time staring across the alley at Toni while she eats the worst hotdog she’s ever had. 

***

“What’cha doin’?” 

Becca leans over on their couch to look at what Shelby’s typing at her laptop, and Shelby can’t twist away quickly enough to hide the screen; Becca sees and immediately starts laughing.

“Seriously, Shelby?”

She’s googled “how to talk to girls”. 

“Don’t make fun of me,” Shelby says without looking at her, and Becca reaches over and pushes the laptop closed, then sets it aside, ignoring Shelby’s protests. 

“Shelby, I’m gonna need you to listen carefully because this is the most honest I’m gonna be with you ever, in your entire life,” Becca starts, and then waits until Shelby’s grudgingly looking her in the eyes. “Okay?”

“What?” Shelby asks, impatient, and Becca reaches out and takes her hand.

“You are extremely attractive,” Becca tells her evenly. “Like, you are literally the hottest girl I know. If you walk up to Toni and say the words, ‘Would you like to go out sometime?’ she’ll say yes before you even finish the question.”

Shelby blushes and deflects, “That’s very flattering, Becca, but you don’t know that for sure. I might not be her type, or she might think I’m joking and I’m straight or something—”

“If that’s what you’re worried about, then make it clear that you aren’t joking,” Becca suggests. “Show her you’re serious.”

Shelby sits on that advice for a week, and then goes shopping before the next time she heads back to the bowling alley alone. When she steps into line this time, she’s wearing a beanie, a Hayley Kiyoko band tee, and has her fingernails painted the colors of the rainbow.

Operation Make Toni Realize Shelby’s Gay and Trying to Hit on Her So That She’ll Ask Shelby Out is a go. Step 1: Make Toni realize she likes girls. Step 2: Make Toni realize she likes _her_. Step 3: Get asked out.

The name needs work.

Becca’s compliment _has_ boosted her confidence a little; she’s always known she’s pretty, but mostly in the context of winning a lot of beauty pageants, so it’s only really been when she’s dolled up and onstage that she’s felt undeniably beautiful. Still, she doesn’t feel quite ready to put herself out there enough to take the plunge and ask a girl she’s hardly spoken to out on a date, so the goal is to make Toni make the first move eventually. How blatant Shelby has to be to get to that point hinges on how oblivious Toni winds up being—and, of course, whether or not she’s interested at all, though Becca doesn’t seem to think that’ll be a problem—and Shelby has no idea how good Toni is at picking up on signals, especially when Shelby’s not that great at putting those signals out there in the first place.

This whole thing might wind up being a giant disaster, but Shelby’s decided to try for it anyway.

The bowling alley is super busy today because everyone’s on fall break, and Toni and a couple of other girls are trying to man several different lines of people, who all need shoes and to have their cards swiped. Toni’s a little flustered and distracted when Shelby reaches the front of her line and says, “Two games this time please,” and offers her card with her hand palm-down, showing off her multicolored fingernails.

“Got it.” Toni barely glances down to take the card and swipes it hastily, then turns and calls back, “Fatin, Martha, can one of you guys grab some size sixes?”

“A little busy here, Toni!” one of them replies, and Toni groans and puts Shelby’s card on the counter before she rushes off to find shoes. Shelby stares at her back, downtrodden. 

When Toni returns with the shoes, she gives Shelby a polite smile and clearly expects her to move out of the way, so Shelby slinks off sadly with her shoes and her card, then tugs her beanie off of her head on the way to her lane. 

***

On her next attempt, they have an actual conversation.

Shelby spends the time in between bingeing some of her favorite romcoms for ideas. _Legally Blonde_ has the bend-and-snap, which Shelby’s not nearly bold enough for yet, though she's certainly trying to get there. _John Tucker Must Die_ suggests molding herself into Toni’s dream girl, which seems unethical and also impossible given that she still doesn’t know what kind of girls Toni’s into. And then _Mean Girls_ has Cady asking Aaron to tutor her in math, and _that_ , Shelby can work with.

She goes to the bowling alley in the morning this time—it’s still fall break, but the bowling alley is less crowded before lunch and thankfully Toni’s still on the clock—and tosses her fifth gutter ball of the game, but this time she’s rolled it with almost no force at all, and it gets stuck in the gutter halfway down the lane. Shelby admires her handiwork and then heads for the counter where Toni’s hanging out just talking to Martha and Fatin; there’s no one in line to buy games or get shoes at the moment.

“Hi,” Shelby says, placing her hands on the counter with her fingers splayed out—she’s still got the rainbow nails—and leaning in close to get the girls’ attention. “I got my ball stuck in the gutter.” She says it to Toni, who looks a little surprised to be individually addressed but straightens up anyway and nods her head.

“Oh, okay.”

“All yours,” Fatin says, patting her on the shoulder, and Toni rolls her eyes at Fatin but heads out anyway, following Shelby out to the lane while Shelby runs over lines she’s practiced a million times in her head. 

Toni carefully maneuvers her way to the ball while Shelby watches and then picks it up and carries it back, glancing at Shelby’s scoresheet on the screen as she places the ball back in the rack. “No offense, but have you ever _not_ thrown a gutter ball?” she asks.

“No,” Shelby says.

Toni laughs and asks, “Shouldn’t Becca have given you pointers by now?”

“She’s been too busy to come with me,” Shelby half-lies; she’s mostly been too embarrassed to have Becca tag along to witness her tragic attempts at flirting, but it’s true that Becca’s schoolwork and job have made it harder lately for her to go bowling at all. Shelby takes a deep breath and then ventures, “Do you have any advice?”

Toni stares at her for a moment while Shelby bites at her bottom lip, and then she glances back to the counter near the alley’s entrance, where there are still no new arrivals waiting in line—and even if there were, Fatin and Martha are there to handle them. 

“Alright,” she says at last, and gestures to the rack. “Go try again so I can tell you what you’re doing wrong.”

Shelby perks right up and does as she’s asked. When she tosses the ball, she makes a little bit of a show of actually trying even though she normally doesn’t, but she’s bad enough at this anyway that it still winds up in the gutter. When she turns around, something makes her give Toni a small curtsy, and thankfully Toni laughs at her before she has time to second-guess it or get embarrassed about it. 

“Okay, so everything about that sucked,” Toni tells her. “Watch me do it.”

Shelby is _perfectly_ happy to watch Toni step up, all focused and determined and concentrating over something as silly as bowling. She rolls the ball straight down the lane and it takes out all but one pin. Shelby golf-claps for her and Toni stretches her arms out proudly and pretends to soak in the praise.

“Thank you, thank you.”

“So what am I doing wrong?” Shelby asks. 

“Your arm isn’t straight enough when you throw it. You just, like,” Toni mimics the motion with her own arm, “veer off.”

Shelby says the bravest thing she’s ever said to another girl before she can think too hard about it: “I’m bad at being straight, huh?”

And it goes _right_ over Toni’s head, who just nods, really into her own explanation, and continues, “Yeah, and it’s your wrist, too, you’re kind of twisting it but you need to—”

“Mhmm,” Shelby says, tight-lipped and frustrated, and Toni rambles on for another moment before she interjects, “I’ll try again,” and steps up to the lane with the ball. She really does try to take Toni’s advice, and the result is that her roll is much slower but the ball makes it most of the way down the lane and almost hits a pin on the end, but it drops into the gutter just a second too early. 

“See?” Toni says, and she’s beaming at her when Shelby turns around to face her. “So close!”

“Maybe you should be giving me lessons,” Shelby tries to flirt, and Toni laughs like she doesn’t take the suggestion seriously at all.

“I’m, like, a very average bowler.”

An older man in uniform stalks up to them while Shelby’s trying to think of something to say to that, and Toni’s face falls when she spots him.

“Shit.”

“Are you on the clock or not, Shalifoe?” he barks, and Toni maneuvers past Shelby, in a rush to get back to the counter.

“Sorry, I was helping out a customer with a ball in the gutter.”

The manager shoots Shelby a dirty look before he departs, and Shelby scowls at his back and then returns to the rack to grab her ball again. 

She finishes out her game, and this time she actually hits a pin or two a couple of times.

***

There’s a flaw in Shelby’s plan, she quickly comes to realize, and it’s that Toni is utterly oblivious.

She finally notices Shelby’s nails the third time around, while she’s handing Shelby her shoes at the counter, and she legitimately goes, “Dude, nice nails. You an ally or just a fan of rainbows?” and Shelby’s jaw actually drops at how completely unaware Toni is, but Toni also misses _that_ because Fatin calls over something about grabbing shoes for her and she’s turned away from Shelby right as Shelby reacts. 

Shelby practically storms off, partly annoyed and partly frustrated, wishing she could just reach across the counter and shake Toni until she remembers that there’s a _third_ option, and Shelby really doesn’t know what to do about this issue because if the nails hadn’t worked then she’s not sure that anything will.

She goes to Becca for help. “What if I flirt with you in front of her?”

“She’ll think we’re dating,” Becca points out, and Shelby deflates.

“You’re right.”

“I could say something next time I go,” Becca suggests, like she’s thinking aloud, and Shelby sits up straight on the couch, hopeful.

“Would you?”

“I _could_ ,” Becca repeats, but she’s thinking more about it now and Shelby has a feeling that she’s going to change her mind, “but then you’d never learn how to do this on your own.”

“You won’t even just let her know that I’m into girls?” Shelby pushes, and Becca looks like she feels bad that she’s going to say no.

“You can tell her yourself, Shelby. Repeat after me: ‘Would you like to go out sometime?’”

“Would you like to go out sometime,” Shelby echoes, actually trying the words out in her mouth for a moment. “Would you like to go _out_ sometime? Would you like to _go_ out—”

“Okay, now stop, before you start driving me nuts.”

***

Shelby is going to do it. 

She’s done herself up meticulously for this bowling alley excursion to ensure she looks completely irresistible, and she’s going to abandon her three-step plan and ask Toni out on a date. Somehow. Hopefully, Toni takes a fifteen somewhere private at some point. If not, Shelby’s not actually sure when or how to do this.

She flashes Toni a smile as she takes her shoes, and Toni smiles back, as friendly as always to her, and Shelby slowly works her way through the single game she’s purchased, taking plenty of breaks to eat mediocre chicken fingers and fries and keeping an eye on where Toni’s manning the counter. Finally, Toni checks her phone and then leaves to dip outside, and Shelby’s heart is racing as she abandons her lane to follow.

She barely makes it outside before she spots Toni across the parking lot, seemingly waiting for something. An old beater pulls up into the parking spot beside her and a girl gets out and walks around to Toni, offering her something Shelby is too far away to see. Toni pockets it and then they wrap their arms around each other and Toni kisses the girl on the top of her head. She’s shorter than Toni (Shelby is taller), has dark hair (Shelby is blonde), and has this dark, almost edgy gothic look to her (Shelby is the opposite of that). 

Shelby thinks she knows what Toni’s type is now.

She leaves without going back inside, totally crushed, and doesn’t look back at Toni at all—if she had, she might have noticed her wiping tears from Regan’s eyes and telling her goodbye.

***

Becca feels guilty about having failed to actually make sure Toni was single, first, and so does some reconnaissance on her own time and discovers that what Shelby had actually witnessed was the final stages of a breakup that’s been slowly happening for a while now. She learns this from Fatin somehow, apparently, and when she reports it back to Shelby, it only does a little to ease her heartache, because she’s painfully aware now that Toni hasn’t even considered that Shelby likes girls and also that Shelby is almost certainly not her type at all. So really, this whole plan has become totally hopeless. 

It’s another two weeks before Shelby returns to the bowling alley, and she only goes because Becca drags her there this time, and she has no intention of speaking to Toni more than what’s necessary. But of course Becca still makes her do all of the work at the counter. 

“Two games, size sixes,” she sighs, not even looking Toni in the eyes, and when Toni returns with Shelby’s shoes her gaze lingers on Becca instead. 

“Haven’t seen you here in a while,” Toni says to Becca, and there’s something about the way she doesn’t quite look at Becca directly, the slightly uneven, nervous edge to her voice—

Shelby’s lips part a little with surprise and her heart drops.

Becca is _so_ straight; she’s completely oblivious, just says, “Yeah, I’ve been busy. Happy to be back!” Then she steers Shelby away and when Shelby collapses into a chair at their lane she thinks she might tear up a little. “You okay?” Becca asks when she sees Shelby staring off at nothing.

“I’m fine,” Shelby says, because she doesn’t at all want to open the can of worms that is telling Becca that the girl Shelby’s liked for weeks likes Becca instead. 

***

It can’t get any worse at this point, but something draws Shelby back to the bowling alley again on her own—morbid curiosity, maybe, or maybe she’s just really that attracted to Toni—and Toni looks a little disappointed to see her there alone. 

“One game?” she asks anyway, as polite as ever.

“I don’t know,” Shelby says, because she genuinely hadn’t even thought about it, had been too distracted by the memory of Toni completely ignoring her in favor of Becca last time. “I’m still horrible at this.”

“I saw you hit a few pins before,” Toni tells her, and it just reminds Shelby that she was probably only looking in the first place because Becca was there, too. Shelby just stares at her, and Toni looks out around the bowling alley—it’s another slow morning, on a Saturday; there’s no one behind Shelby in line—and then offers, “I’ll take my fifteen in a little while and come help you out.”

Shelby wants to be hopeful about it but she thinks she knows what this is, because certainly Toni knows that she’s friends with Becca and is just using the opportunity to find out more about the girl she’s into. She thinks about taking the offer anyway, but she winds up stewing about it a little and when Toni returns with her shoes, she blurts, a little sharply, “You can just ask me what you want now.” Toni looks confused, but when Shelby adds, “About Becca,” she blushes hard and stumbles over her next response.

“Oh, I—Shit.” Shelby just looks at her and Toni grimaces and rubs at the back of her head, then glances over her shoulder. “That’s not—It’s just that Fatin said she came in here asking about me and my ex, and Fatin’s like, pushing me to… get back out there, or whatever.”

“Becca’s straight,” Shelby says abruptly, and Toni looks mortified.

“That’s embarrassing.” And then she’s confused again, which is understandable; now that Shelby’s really thinking about it, it probably _is_ a little weird to Toni that Becca was asking around about Toni’s love life without being interested in her, so that’s certainly a mystery that’s been left unanswered on Toni’s end now.

Shelby gives her half an answer before she can think about it; takes the leap and tests the waters when she says, “But I’m not.”

Toni laughs shortly, and when Shelby just blinks back at her, a little offended, Toni’s smile instantly drops and she goes red again. “Oh. You’re… Are—?” Shelby watches her swallow hard and then finish lamely, “Really?” Her eyes are so intently focused on Shelby’s that Shelby can tell there’s a concentrated effort happening on Toni’s end to not look at any other part of her, to not lower her gaze to anywhere on Shelby’s body instead. 

“Really,” Shelby says shortly, and then just stands there and lets herself be appraised, straightens her back a little and clears her throat like she’d used to right before she walked onstage for her pageants. 

Toni just blinks at her like she’s still trying to wrap her head around this. “So…” Toni licks her lips and Shelby tries not to look at her mouth and her tongue, knows Toni is watching her and will see it if she does, but she can’t help it; her eyes flicker to Toni’s lips before they find Toni’s eyes again and then Toni’s eyebrows quirk upward, like she’s momentarily stunned, and then suddenly Toni’s lips are pressed tightly together and her cheeks are going red right before Shelby’s eyes. “I—I could,” Toni stammers, and Shelby watches her swallow thickly, “if you still… needed help—”

“I do,” Shelby says swiftly, worried she might start blushing herself if she doesn’t get out of here in the next few seconds, because she’s pretty bad at this but Toni’s being so obvious, has just like, completely gone smooth-brained here and is staring kind of dumbfoundedly at her, and Shelby’s starting to think that maybe Becca’s right, that maybe Shelby might just be hot, pageant or no pageant. 

“I’ll take my lunch break,” Toni blurts, and Shelby’s a little confused.

“I thought you said you had a fifteen—?”

“No, my lunch break,” Toni replies hastily. “I have a lunch break today. ‘Cause I’m working an eight-hour shift. It’s thirty minutes.”

Toni’s so nervous; Shelby can’t help but laugh a little even though they’re both blushing now. “Yeah, I know how jobs work, Toni.”

“I’ll take it in ten minutes,” Toni insists, and then rushes away without another word, leaving Shelby kind of flummoxed and alone at the counter. 

She wanders over to her lane, which isn’t all that far from where Toni’s working—with Fatin, today, apparently, because Shelby glances over while she’s putting her bowling shoes on and sees Toni and Fatin deep in conversation. Toni’s back is to Shelby and Fatin’s facing her, and Shelby sees Fatin’s eyes dart over to Shelby, make eye contact with her, and then, unbothered at having been caught, Fatin redirects her attention to Toni, and Shelby watches her give a taken aback, disbelieving, “ _No…_ ” 

Toni nods emphatically in response and Fatin says it again, shaking her head, and Toni nods more rapidly this time, and then turns around and abruptly realizes Shelby’s watching them and averts her gaze, then pretends to busy herself with rearranging some nearby shoes. 

Shelby thinks she’s pretty solidly cleared steps 1 and 2 today, so all that’s left is step 3: Toni asking her out. She’s kind of on cloud nine a little bit, because that last part seems like the easiest one. After all, if Toni knows she’s gay and if Toni’s attracted to her, it only seems logical that Toni will make a move.

One would think so, anyway.

Toni brings a pizza with her when she shows up ten minutes later, and she seems at least a little more composed now, says, “It’s shitty bowling alley food, but it’s on the house.”

Shelby bites back a smile and tells her, “That’s so nice of you.”

“I can’t eat it all on my own any—” Toni starts, and then looks at Shelby and seems to change her mind, just takes the compliment instead. “It’s no problem.”

Shelby’s waited on her, so she enters Toni’s name and then her own and starts a game with the two of them listed on the screen, and Toni eats one slice of pizza and tries not to look at Shelby too often even though Shelby’s starting to have zero issues with staring at Toni—Toni’s nice to look at and Shelby’s getting more confident by the second, the longer Toni seems to be the one getting nervous around her instead. Finally, Toni steps up to bowl and immediately the ball slips from her hands and directly into the gutter.

It’s so unexpected that Shelby doubles over with laughter and nearly loses her grip on the pizza slice in her hand. 

Toni whirls around, immediately defensive. “It slipped! The pizza grease—”

“Uh huh,” Shelby teases, even though it’s obviously true, and Toni just huffs at her and smiles anyway, and there’s an electricity between them suddenly that puts butterflies in Shelby’s stomach ten times stronger than any she’s ever felt before. Toni bites her lip before she retrieves her ball and then rolls again, and this time eight pins go down. When Toni steps back, she seems satisfied with that result.

For Shelby’s turn, Toni stays up near the lane and waits for Shelby to come to her, watching her to see how she bowls this time, and Shelby feels a little bit put on the spot like this, with Toni just feet away from her. She rolls the ball and it clunks into the gutter halfway down the lane. 

“That time was your wrist, look,” Toni says, and then suddenly takes Shelby’s arm before she can move it, because it’s still in the same position it was when Shelby released the ball. Shelby looks at Toni, feels Toni’s fingers pressing into her forearm and forgets to say anything back. “You turned it.” Toni looks at her and Shelby sees her throat move when she swallows, and then she steps back and releases Shelby abruptly, then goes to retrieve the bowling ball for her. 

Shelby’d really like to have Toni touching her again, so when Toni returns and hands her the ball, then examines her for a moment and declares, “And you’re standing in the wrong place; you should move to the left a little,” Shelby overcorrects on purpose. 

“Here?”

Toni shakes her head. “No, just like… enough that your arm is at the center of the lane.”

Shelby overcorrects again, placing her left arm in the middle instead of the right. “Like this?”

“Your _right_ arm.” Shelby moves again, intentionally getting it just a little bit wrong, and Toni sighs. “No, you’re—” And then she steps forward, tentative, says, “Um,” and then gingerly reaches out for Shelby’s waist, shifting her over under she’s in the right spot. “Here.”

Toni’s standing kind of behind her and off to her right, but they’re inches apart, and Shelby can feel Toni’s body heat against her back and side—even gets a whiff of a pleasant earthy scent she thinks might be Toni’s shampoo. “Oh,” she says, quietly, and then just turns her head and looks Toni in the eyes—eyes that blink slowly and look a little glazed over as soon as they’re facing each other and standing so closely like this. Toni’s hands are still on her waist; she’s forgotten to remove them. 

“Fatin doesn’t think you’re really into girls,” Toni blurts suddenly, like it’s been on her mind a little bit the whole time and she’s lowkey a little worried about it, too. 

Shelby isn’t sure how to feel about it, because she could definitely get offended again, could absolutely justifiably go off on some tangent about stereotyping or insist that she doesn’t have to prove anything… but she knows Toni doesn’t mean any harm by it, and Toni’s hands are so warm through Shelby’s shirt. Shelby goes for broke instead; she's never been one for blatant flirting but her confidence is at an all-time high today, so if there were ever a time to try it, it's now. 

“I can show you just how into girls I am sometime,” she whispers, and if that doesn’t scream “ask me out on a date” she doesn’t know what does. 

Toni’s eyes widen and she makes a short, soft sound in her throat that almost sounds like a whimper, then looks incredibly embarrassed and swiftly removes her hands from Shelby’s hips. 

Shelby turns and rolls the ball down the lane, and it’s her best yet; it hits a pin two down from the middle and knocks down five overall. She spins around to grin at Toni, who smiles back at her a little waveringly, her mind clearly elsewhere. 

“Although,” Shelby blurts, trying to take the sexual tension down a notch so that Toni will at least speak to her again, “I don’t have the _most_ experience; religious upbringing and all that,” and though she’s casual about it, Toni looks a little taken aback, and Shelby’s immediately worried that she’s overshared. Sexual tension suddenly seems preferable. “So it's good that you seem like a decent teacher.”

Shelby brushes past her to grab her seat and eat another slice of pizza, and swears she hears Toni breathe out a soft, “Jesus,” when she thinks Shelby’s out of earshot.

After Toni’s break ends, Shelby removes her from the game and finishes out the rest of it alone—she bowls a 40, which is her highest score ever—and on her way out, she stops by Toni’s counter. Fatin tries to be subtle when she watches them out of the corner of her eye from a few feet behind Toni, but Shelby notices her right away.

“I’m heading out,” she tells Toni, who’s a little busy with another group of customers but focuses most of her attention on Shelby anyway. 

“Are you gonna come back soon?” Toni asks, and Shelby wants to heave a sigh because Toni could just ask for her number if she doesn’t want to wait around to see her again. Or, you know, just _ask her out_.

“I’ll come Thursday,” Shelby decides, and lingers for another moment in hopes that Toni will ask for something, _anything_ , but Toni just smiles a little at her.

“Okay, Shelby.”

“Bye, Toni,” Shelby says kindly, and only lets herself look frustrated once she’s outside and heading to her car.

***

“I did it,” Shelby breathes out victoriously anyway when she gets home and collapses on the couch. Becca’s doing homework at the kitchen table and looks over at her curiously.

“Did what? Toni?”

Shelby glares at her. “ _No_ , but I flirted with her a ton, told her I’m into girls, and she likes me back. Or at least she’s attracted to me.”

“I told you she would be!” Becca says, beaming at her. “When’s the date?”

Shelby twists around abruptly, no longer looking at her, and busies herself with scrolling through her phone just to do something else. 

“Shelby…”

“I’m working on it,” Shelby insists. 

“Did you get her number?”

“She didn’t ask.”

“Ask _her_.”

“I did plenty,” Shelby huffs. “I want her to ask me.”

“Why does it matter?”

“Am I not allowed to want to be wooed?” Shelby looks at her again with a sigh. “You know, taken out, treated, bought flowers? Taught how to do this by someone who’s done it before? I’ve been waiting to be swept off my feet since high school.”

“How patriarchal of you,” Becca jokes, and Shelby’s eyes narrow.

“I’d do it back! I just… don’t know what I’m doing yet. I want her to take the lead.”

“Sounds to me like you knew what you were doing today,” Becca says, and Shelby exhales slowly and sits back, thinking on that for a while.

***

When Shelby shows up on Thursday, Martha’s working the counter instead of Toni, and Fatin and Toni are nowhere to be found. Martha gives Shelby a knowing look and explains that they’re both on break at the moment. 

Fatin and Toni take their breaks in the bathroom sometimes, apparently, because when Shelby heads there a couple of minutes later she hears their voices echoing out into the hallway and winds up standing just outside and listening in, because it’s immediately apparent that they’re talking about her.

“Are we sure she’s like, alright mentally, though?” Fatin’s saying.

“What the hell are you talking about?” comes Toni’s confused response. 

“I’m just saying, she’s interested in _you_ even though she’s insanely out of your league.”

Toni breathes out a laugh. “Fuck off.”

“You’re sure she’s not straight?”

“Fatin, stop. I’m sure she gets that shit all the time and I feel bad enough that I’ve done it, too.”

“Damn, Toni. Defending her honor already? You’re so sprung.”

“Shut up.”

Toni only has another fifteen this shift, and she brings an extra hotdog for Shelby and sits with her the entire time, their arms brushing slightly as they both eat. 

“Do you go to school around here, too?” Shelby asks, and that’s how she finds out that they go to the same college. 

“I’m an astronomy major,” Toni says, and Shelby can’t help but crack a smile because she certainly hadn’t been expecting that. “What? I think space is the shit. Love to just lay out and stargaze and all that.” Toni looks a bit sheepish as she finishes up her last bite.

“That sounds nice,” Shelby replies, trying not to sound too pointed because what she’s thinking is _so ask me to do it with you._

“What are you majoring in?” Toni asks instead, and Shelby suppresses a sigh.

“Business. Boring, I know.”

“Depends on what you’re doing with it.”

“It’s boring,” Shelby reiterates. “Family business. My future’s pretty decided.”

“It doesn’t have to be, does it?”

“Boring or decided?” Shelby asks, quirking an eyebrow.

Toni smiles. “Both, I guess. But I meant decided.”

“It’s an exercise business,” Shelby explains. “My daddy wants me to take over because we’re both really… type A. It’s a little niche, though.”

“How niche?”

“Bible cycling.”

“Very niche,” Toni supplies thoughtfully, and then she shoots Shelby a sideways glance, smiling a little.

“I can do the preaching and the pedaling, so I just have to learn the business side,” Shelby explains, and when Toni’s quiet beside her for a long moment, Shelby feels her gut twist uncomfortably. “Is the religion thing a dealbreaker?” she blurts, and Toni looks at her with alarm.

“No. I mean… if you don’t care that I’m… _not_.”

“Okay,” Shelby breathes out, relieved. “It’s more… cultural than anything. I don’t believe we’re going to hell.” Toni raises her eyebrows and Shelby feels her cheeks getting hot. “I mean, obviously. I wouldn’t be here if I did. Not that—that there’s any part of me that would ever not want to be here. Because I have… wanted to. For a while now.”

“A while?” Toni echoes, and Shelby sees a hint of a smile pulling at the corners of her lips. “So like… how long’s a while?”

“You don’t wanna know,” Shelby says shortly, flushing, and Toni’s full-on grinning at her now.

“I kinda do, though.”

Shelby glances upward and takes a deep breath, in disbelief that she’s actually going to confess this. “Becca told me there was a girl here I’d like.”

For a moment, she thinks she hasn’t been clear enough, that she will have to very painfully start to elaborate, but then Toni’s uncertain look gives way to understanding, and then she’s blushing almost as hard as Shelby is. “Oh. That’s—”

“Very embarrassing, and so creepy, I know—” Shelby finishes for her, mortified. “You had a girlfriend.”

“Hardly,” Toni says, and Shelby isn’t sure which part she’s talking about, thinks maybe it’s all of it. “I’m super flattered, ‘cause you’re… wow.” Toni shakes her head a little. “I remember the first day you came in. Totally tried to play it cool.” She laughs. “Like, shit, Becca apparently has a really hot friend who’s definitely straight.”

“You asked me if I was an ally or if I just liked rainbows,” Shelby recalls, giggling, and Toni grimaces. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I completely embarrassed myself trying to give off _some_ kind of vibe; you didn’t even notice,” Shelby goes on. “I got a ball stuck in the gutter on purpose—”

“That was on purpose?” Toni asks her, alarmed, and Shelby nods painfully at her, a hand on her cheek, and then suddenly they’re both laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, and Shelby’s stomach hurts a little after but she feels a lot less humiliated. “Fuck,” Toni breathes out, her hand on her stomach, and then she sees the same manager as before lurking in the distance, watching them, and groans. “I have to get back.”

“Okay,” Shelby says, and stands when Toni does, hoping this is finally the moment, that Toni will turn to her and ask for something more from her, a date, a number, to see each other again soon—Shelby will take anything at this point—but Toni doesn’t, just gives her a lingering look like she’s considering saying something, and then starts to turn and walk away. “Wait,” Shelby rushes out, and Toni pauses. “Is Saturday okay?”

“Sounds perfect,” Toni agrees, smiling, and after she leaves Shelby deflates a little.

***

Shelby is really going to have to start pushing this harder.

Her car breaks down on Friday and has to be taken to the shop for the weekend, but she doesn’t want to just not show up at the bowling alley and has no way of contacting Toni, so she has Becca drop her off instead—Becca insists on waiting until the late afternoon to take her, though, for some reason—and then promise to come pick her up when Shelby texts her. 

Toni looks a little anxious when Shelby spots her, and Shelby attributes it to the busy state of the bowling alley at first, but then Toni sees Shelby waiting in line and seems to relax completely.

“I thought maybe you’d changed your mind about coming today,” Toni says when Shelby reaches the front, and Toni tries to sound casual about it but Shelby’s already seen how she’d looked before, can tell that it’s actually something that was bothering her. Her heart warms at the thought.

“My car had issues, so Becca had to drop me off. She chose the time.”

“Oh.” Toni looks a little disappointed, and Shelby isn’t sure why until she elaborates, “I kind of took all of my breaks already. I just thought—”

“Oh, no, that’s… that’s totally okay,” Shelby rushes out. “It’s my fault.”

“My shift ends in a couple of hours,” Toni starts, and Shelby’s heart races—this is the moment, finally, what she’s been waiting on for so long—and then Toni finishes, “so if you stick around, I could, like, hang out with you while you wait for your ride?”

“Sure,” Shelby tries not to say through gritted teeth, and then she legitimately spends the next two hours mostly just sitting around waiting for the chance to stand out in the cold with Toni for eight minutes or so.

It’s freezing out, actually; Shelby heads outside before Toni does and it's almost Winter, now, and Shelby’s wearing a long-sleeved shirt but it isn’t nearly enough now that the sun is starting to set. She shivers as she texts Becca that she’s ready to be picked up. 

Toni exits a minute later with both Fatin and Martha, who take one look at Shelby before Fatin declares to Toni, “I’ll get Martha home,” and then they wander off together, arm in arm, shooting looks back at Toni and Shelby and whispering and giggling amongst themselves as they go.

Shelby exhales in Toni’s direction and they both watch her breath drift visibly through the air. Then Toni sees Shelby shivering. “Here,” she says, moving to shrug off the brown coat she’s always wearing, and Shelby tries to turn her down but Toni steps up to her and drapes it over her shoulders anyway. Shelby gives in and just nods thankfully at her, then slips her arms into the sleeves and wraps it around herself tightly. It smells like Toni. 

Toni’s got a T-shirt on underneath and Shelby’s about to insist she take the coat right back when her phone buzzes. Becca’s text says, “ _Can’t make it, sorry! Maybe you could find a ride?_ 😉”

Shelby blinks down at the text and then curses quietly, aware of exactly what Becca’s doing, and when Toni looks at her with alarm Shelby explains, “Becca just said she can’t pick me up.”

“Well, I’ll take you home,” Toni says simply, because of course she does. “What’s the address?”

Toni owns an old, kind of beat-up truck that she explains she got for cheap just so she could make it to work and back, and she seems a little embarrassed by it, like she’s worried it’s not very impressive, but Shelby just says, “I bet it’s good for stargazing,” and Toni glances over at her warmly as she drives.

“It is,” Toni confirms, and Shelby looks out the window, notices it’s getting pretty dark out and wishes Toni would use her head for two seconds and realize that Shelby doesn’t really have anywhere to be and they’re already together in her truck. 

She remembers her vow to start pushing harder and says, “We could do that sometime.”

“Yeah?” Toni visibly brightens at the idea and Shelby bites her lip. _Ask me._

“I’d like to,” Shelby presses, and in case it still isn’t enough, she adds, “Soon.”

“Okay.” The silence stretches between them for a while—for too long—and Toni clears her throat and leans forward, reaching for the radio. “What kind of music do you like?”

“Anything’s fine,” Shelby says—the real answer is country but she’s pretty sure it’s not really Toni’s style. Toni turns on an oldies station and The Rolling Stones are playing, and that’s fine, too. Shelby watches Toni’s fingers tap the steering wheel to the rhythm of the song and then just thinks about those fingers, and her cheeks get a little hot so she wrenches her gaze away and looks out her window instead. They’re almost to her apartment. 

“You must have a lot of scholarships,” Toni says, taking in the nice area, and Shelby nods.

“A few. Do you?”

“I do alright. Have a part-time job for a reason, though.” Toni pauses, thinking something over, and then confesses, “I turned down a basketball scholarship. Used to play in high school. I was kind of the shit.”

“You didn’t like it, though?” Shelby wonders, and Toni smiles over at her.

“Nah, I loved it. But college is different, you know? It’s like your whole world if you play in college. I wanted time for other things.”

“Like shifts at the bowling alley?” Shelby jokes, and Toni laughs.

“Those have their upsides.”

Shelby feels butterflies in her stomach again and lets out a slow breath, trying to calm herself down. They pull up to Shelby’s apartment building and Shelby gathers every ounce of courage she has, makes herself keep pushing. “Will you walk me up?”

Toni unbuckles her seatbelt immediately, but her throat sounds a bit dry when she says, “Yeah.”

It’s an awkward, tense walk; Shelby lives on the second floor and they climb the flight of stairs together, hands and arms brushing, and when Shelby reaches her door she says, “Here it is,” just to say anything at all, and Toni just looks at her and nods her head, hovering in front of Shelby like she’s not sure what she’s meant to say or do next. 

“Cool.”

“Okay,” Shelby breathes out, but she doesn’t move away; there are inches between them and she practically begs Toni with her eyes to say anything, to do anything, because Shelby has spelled it out in so many different ways, verbally and nonverbally, that she wants this. 

And Toni just… sort of drifts backward, visibly trying to work out a way to part without making this any more awkward than it is, given the long stretch of silence between them. “I’ll see you,” she finally says, and starts to turn, and Shelby’s at the end of her rope.

She reaches out hastily and grabs the side of Toni’s neck, pulling her back in, and then leans in too quickly and misjudges the angle. Their foreheads crash together and Shelby hisses, “Ow!” while Toni grimaces and reaches up to rub at her head. Shelby releases her immediately. “Oh my gosh, I am _so_ sorry—”

“You’re fine,” Toni rushes to say, looking almost as embarrassed as Shelby feels. “It’s totally cool, don’t even worry about it.” She shifts back, red-faced, gesturing behind herself. “I’m just gonna—”

Shelby watches her move away again and panics, worried she’ll have completely ruined this for good if she doesn’t fix it right away, so she just blurts, “Wait,” and then steps in close to try again, cups Toni’s cheek and kisses her properly this time. 

Toni’s lips are soft and she makes an odd sound in her throat right away, like Shelby’s caught her off-guard, but then one of her hands reaches up and slides into Shelby’s hair and the other finds Shelby’s hip, and the angle of their mouths isn’t perfect but Toni’s lips part and she tilts her head to correct that right away, and Shelby whimpers against her because she hadn’t expected it to be _this_ good. 

Toni’s a great kisser. Shelby’s only got Andrew and one kiss with Becca to compare it to but this blows both out of the water easily; Toni’s mouth is warm and wet and her lips are pliant against Shelby’s, and it isn’t really just a kiss anymore: they’re making out, and both of Shelby’s hands have moved to grasp at the material of Toni’s shirt and hold her close as Toni’s tongue flicks into her mouth and slides against Shelby’s. Toni backs Shelby into the wall and then kisses her deeply, and Shelby’s whole body aches with want in a way it never has before. The air is still so cold around them but Toni feels so warm against her like this.

Toni breaks the kiss first but Shelby just pulls her back in by her shirt and finds her lips again, and when Toni moans into her mouth Shelby realizes with a jolt that if Becca weren’t home she’d gladly just pull Toni into her apartment and have sex with her then and there, if Toni would let her, even though they barely know each other, it’s only their first kiss, and Shelby’s spent years having religious dogma about waiting until marriage drilled into her. 

Toni maybe senses it in her somehow—the way all those years of repression have her ready to pounce on the first girl she’s ever gotten alone like this—because she only kisses Shelby for another few seconds before she forces herself back again and breathes out, her pupils blown, “We should slow down.”

“Okay,” Shelby whispers, sensing it’s not a rejection, but she can’t help but be a little disappointed anyway. “If you want that.”

“I don’t,” Toni says immediately. Shelby sees her own lipstick has been smeared across Toni’s lips and reaches up to wipe some of it away with her thumb. Toni closes her eyes at the feel of Shelby touching her mouth and Shelby watches her let out a shaky breath. “But we should.”

“I don’t, either,” Shelby admits, and Toni groans and pushes away from her anyway; Shelby releases her shirt reluctantly and lets her go. “I’ll come by soon,” Shelby promises her, and Toni nods eagerly at her and then looks a little shaky as she makes her way back to the stairs. 

Shelby exhales slowly when she’s alone and runs a hand through her messy hair, then remembers she’s still wearing Toni’s jacket.

***

She sleeps in the jacket for three nights straight and Becca gets way too much mileage out of teasing her about it.

“I’m starting to think you haven’t gone back yet because you don’t want to return it,” she says to Shelby over breakfast on the morning after the third night, and Shelby rolls her eyes through a small smile as she chews on her cereal. “Are you gonna go after class today? Pretty sure she works Tuesday evenings.”

“Yeah, and she does,” Shelby says shortly, and Becca snorts. 

“Of course you have her schedule figured out by now. Why the wait?”

“She’s off on Sundays and Mondays,” Shelby admits, and Becca laughs. 

“Well, that’s awful convenient for you and your jacket. Have you asked her out yet, now that you’re making out with her and borrowing her clothes?”

“I never said we—”

“Didn’t have to. A best friend just knows.” Shelby blinks at her expectantly and Becca sighs, giving in. “Okay, I heard y’all out there; you weren’t quiet. And I’m insulted you haven’t given me details yet.” Becca wiggles her eyebrows. “Was it everything you ever dreamed of? Can I be the Maid of Honor when you two get married? I feel like I’ve earned it.”

“It was nice,” Shelby says—she’s been taught that a lady doesn’t kiss and tell—and Becca waits for more and then seems annoyed when she gets nothing. “And of course; you’ll be my Maid of Honor no matter who I marry.”

“On second thought,” Becca says slowly, and Shelby sees a sly smile spreading across her lips, “I’m not sure that you and Toni will ever reach that point. I mean, you can’t have a wedding without someone proposing, and at the rate you’re going you’ll both be waiting forever for the other one to—” Shelby flicks a spoonful of milk at Becca and she gasps and jerks out of the way. “Hey!”

***

Shelby should probably be using her time at the bowling alley to get to know Toni better, because although they’ve talked a little it hasn’t been enough to know each other on a deeper level, but Shelby kind of thinks that’s what dates are for—dates can go on for hours, for as long as they want, really, and Toni only has the one fifteen today, and really, how much talking can they get done in fifteen minutes anyway?

Plus, talking usually has to be done under the guise of buying a bowling game and a meal that tastes like crap, and all of that spending has really been starting to add up by now. Making out in the back room while Martha and Fatin ensure no one interrupts them is free. 

“Brought this,” Shelby pants into Toni’s mouth, attempting to shrug her jacket off, and she’s trying to be smooth, to kind of use it as an excuse to remove some clothing, but even here and now Toni’s still missing the point and screwing up her attempts at seduction. 

“Keep it,” Toni mumbles, tugging it back up onto Shelby’s shoulders, and Shelby wants to groan.

Toni has her up against a table this time and when she kisses Shelby a little harder it starts moving; two of the legs screech across the wooden floor and they both flinch at the loud noise, but when no one comes Toni abruptly lifts Shelby by her thighs and sits her on the table, then moves to stand between her legs. Shelby feels her whole body flush and looks at Toni darkly, then tangles her fingers in Toni’s hair when Toni starts kissing her neck. “I liked that,” she whispers, and feels Toni’s hands move to rest on her thighs and her mouth get a little more aggressive. Shelby’s breath catches and she has to consciously hold back to keep herself from moaning. 

Toni’s mouth finds her ear, breathes out, “You good?” and Shelby nods emphatically. “’Kay.”

“Take your jacket off,” Shelby insists again, before Toni can go back to kissing her.

Toni legitimately says, “I’m not wearing one,” and Shelby exhales heavily.

“Take it off of _me_ , Toni.”

“…Oh. You don’t want—?”

“I want you to take my clothes off,” Shelby blurts, beyond frustrated now, and Toni pulls back and looks at her with flushed cheeks. 

“Here?”

“Not all of them,” Shelby amends, embarrassed, and okay, maybe that miscommunication was her fault this time. “But definitely the jacket. Maybe my shirt.”

Toni’s eyes glaze over and then she glances down to where the rather low-cut shirt Shelby’s worn on purpose today is peeking out from beneath Toni’s jacket. “Your shirt?”

“We’ve got maybe five more minutes, Toni,” Shelby warns, getting impatient, but Toni just moves back a little, gives them both space and lets herself breathe for a moment, and then looks at Shelby carefully.

“Are you sure—?”

“Yes,” Shelby groans, yanking Toni in for another kiss, and then they’re back to making out right away and Toni’s pushing her jacket off of Shelby’s shoulders. Her fingers dance along the hem of Shelby’s shirt while Shelby sucks on her tongue, and Shelby gives up, just reaches down and tugs it up and off of herself and tosses it aside. Then she grasps Toni’s hands and places them on her waist. Her own hands slide back into Toni’s hair again, holding her close while they keep on kissing, and Toni’s hands stay dutifully— _frustratingly_ —where Shelby’s put them until the fifteen-minute alarm they’ve set on Shelby’s phone goes off.

Toni seems reluctant to pull away, but she does, and when she sees Shelby sitting in front of her in just her bra she gets distracted for several seconds before Shelby has to snap her out of it. “Toni?”

“Work, yeah,” Toni blurts, and then she scrambles for Shelby’s shirt and offers it to her, then collects her jacket while Shelby puts her shirt back on. She drapes it over Shelby’s shoulders again, insists for the second time, “Keep it,” and then pecks Shelby on the cheek and hastily leaves the room.

Shelby hears Fatin laugh outside and ask, “How far did you get?” and Shelby thinks about how they still don’t have a date planned, and as much as she doesn’t want to she actually feels a little bit ashamed about it this time, given what they’ve just done together and what she’s just heard Fatin say.

She leaves without saying goodbye; Toni’s busy, anyway. 

***

Shelby can’t tell if this is an intentional battle of wills on Toni’s end or if she’s simply just not that interested in anything beyond making out with Shelby and repeatedly lending her jacket to her, for some reason.

She’s not sure which option would be worse.

Shelby is not a friends-with-benefits kind of girl—not that she and Toni are even friends, anyway—and she’s not interested in just hooking up, even as attracted to Toni as she is. Shelby’s a relationship kind of girl: flowers and chocolate and holding hands around campus and being picked up to go stargazing in old trucks and wearing each other’s clothes… Toni’s jacket is starting to smell less like Toni the longer Shelby keeps it, and it’s almost a good thing, because thinking about Toni is starting to make Shelby’s chest hurt. 

“She just went through a break-up,” Shelby points out to Becca one day, when she’s feeling particularly downtrodden. She hasn’t visited Toni in a week, and even though it’s partly because she'd gone home to her family for Thanksgiving break—which had been a tension-filled mess, for the record, like it’s been with them for over a year now—she knows it’s probably starting to get weird, because certainly Toni had expected her to return sooner than this, but Shelby’s dreading seeing her again, a little. “It makes sense that she wouldn’t want to jump right into another relationship.”

“Shelby,” Becca groans from the other end of the couch. “Fatin said she’d been working on ending things with Regan for months. It’s not like she suddenly got her heart broken. Plus, she’s had some time to get over it since then, anyway.”

“If she wanted to ask me out, she would,” Shelby insists. “She must not want to.”

“Maybe she’s thinking the same thing about you,” Becca suggests.

***

Shelby goes back to the bowling alley two days later, finally, and immediately catches a glimpse of Toni leaving her usual spot at the counter, and a moment later it’s Martha that’s standing there instead, her eyes sharp on Shelby’s, and Shelby has no idea where Toni’s disappeared off to. There’s no line, so Shelby just walks up to the counter, Toni’s jacket in her arms, and greets Martha, “Hey.”

Martha’s eyes narrow slightly and she studies Shelby, looking her up and down in a way that seems cold and out of character before her gaze settles on Shelby’s nervous face. “You’re back,” she says.

“Is Toni around?” Shelby asks, even though she already knows the answer, and Martha crosses her arms.

“Why?”

“Because… I’d like to see her?”

“She’s not an experiment, Shelby.”

Shelby’s whole body goes tense and her eyebrows furrow angrily. “For the _last_ time—”

“That’s not what I meant,” Martha huffs out, very obviously regretting her choice of words. “I mean that you can’t just jerk her around.”

And now Shelby is lost. “…What? That’s not what I’m doing. Not at all.”

“Well, last time you were here Fatin and I were playing lookout so that Toni wouldn’t get caught with you and fired, and then you disappeared for ten days.”

“I was with my family,” Shelby deflects instinctively.

“Not the whole time,” Martha says, and Shelby knows she’s right. “Look, Toni’s my best friend, and she’s really nice. If you’re not, then you need to stay away from her.”

Shelby blinks at her dumbly, then closes her eyes and sighs, “I’m confused. Is she upset with me?”

Martha sighs and gives up. “She’s in the back room. Come on.”

Martha lets her behind the counter and leads her to the closed door in the back, raps on it twice in warning and then pushes it open. Shelby sees Toni looking over from the same table she’d picked Shelby up and placed her on, sitting on the edge and digging through a basket of fries. She freezes at the sight of Shelby and then her eyes slide over to Martha and she looks a little betrayed. 

“Just talk,” Martha says, and then shuffles Shelby inside and closes the door behind her.

They take each other in in awkward silence. Toni lifts a fry to her mouth and bites down. 

“Are you in here avoiding me?” Shelby blurts, and Toni chews and swallows like she’s tasting something unpleasant; Shelby has a sneaking suspicion her expression has nothing to do with the fries.

“Seems like you’re the one avoiding me.”

Shelby sighs and steps closer, and Toni watches her carefully as she struggles to explain, “That’s not because—It’s just that—” Then she shakes her head and draws herself up to her full height, looks Toni in the eyes and asks, “Do you actually like me?”

Toni blinks at her like she’s just asked something completely absurd. “Do you like me?” she echoes instead of answering. 

“I barely know you,” Shelby dodges, and Toni sets her fries aside with furrowed eyebrows.

“Well… same.”

“That’s not an answer,” Shelby presses, and Toni laughs. 

“You’re kidding, right? I’m not the one being hot and cold here. Of course I like you. You’re holding my jacket.” Shelby looks down at the article of clothing in her arms and Toni goes on, “You think I hand that out to just anyone? I’ve had it since high school.”

“I—” Shelby starts, and then finds she’s at a loss for words; steps closer and offers the jacket back to Toni instead. “Here.”

“No,” Toni says simply, shaking her head. Then she scoops her fry basket up and resumes eating. Shelby feels herself getting annoyed.

“No?”

“Nope.” 

“It’s yours.”

“It looks nice on you.”

Shelby looks at her oddly, taken aback, and then stares at Toni with her lips parted like she can’t think of anything to say to that. Then she huffs, glares at Toni with the intensity of over ten weeks of built up frustration, and gripes, completely petulantly, “Why haven’t you asked me out yet?”

Toni pauses mid-bite and now it’s her turn to look at Shelby with disbelief. “Oh,” she says, and then suddenly she seems to understand. Then she laughs a little. “ _That’s_ what this is about?”

“I don’t think,” Shelby says, a little curtly, “that it’s _that_ unreasonable for me to start to think that you might not be that interested when—”

“Shelby.” Toni abandons her food, slips off of the table, and then they’re standing inches apart and Shelby’s blinking rapidly at her, her jaw tense. “You told me that you grew up religious. And that you’re inexperienced. I’m _so_ interested; I just wanted to be careful and go slowly. And back off when I thought it might be moving too quickly.” For a moment, Toni almost looks a little self-conscious. “I just didn’t want you to get freaked out. So I was waiting on you instead of pushing.”

Shelby lets out a heavy breath and feels so incredibly relieved. “Oh.”

Toni laughs quietly. “Yeah.”

“That’s… very sweet, actually,” Shelby admits, but as Toni smiles at her she adds, “and completely not what I want. But so nice, really. I’m very pushable. So open to being pushed.”

Toni blinks at her and just goes, “I see,” and then Shelby watches her swallow thickly and glance down at Shelby’s body.

“Not that I’m—” Shelby adds abruptly, blushing, “Like, what I want… it’s with one person, and—and with commitment, that kind of thing—”

“Oh, yeah.” Toni nods eagerly. “I don’t—I’m not like that, I mean I’m—” She closes her mouth like she thinks she should maybe stop talking, pauses for a moment, then just says, “Me too.” She reaches out and gently touches the jacket in Shelby’s arms, like it’s proof of something, and Shelby bites back a smile.

“Do you lend this out to every girl you’re interested in?”

“No,” Toni admits, “but I didn’t have your number.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Shelby asks, raising her eyebrows.

“As long as you had that, you’d have to bring it back eventually,” Toni says, and then presses her lips together like she’s a little pleased with herself, like she’s trying not to smile.

Shelby takes that in for two seconds and then just shakes her head and laughs. “Dear Lord. Please just get my number next time.” She thinks for a moment, and then adds, “And please don’t feel like you need to suggest slowing down. And actually _touch me_ the next time I take my shirt off and put your hands on my body.”

“Alright,” Toni says, and leans in and kisses her. Shelby sinks into it, feels Toni’s arms slide around her waist and pull her closer, and Toni mumbles, “Noted,” against her lips. 

***

It’s very cold by mid-December—so much so that it’s downright unbearable to head outside without at least a sweater on. Shelby and Toni both get busy with finals and keep up with each other mostly through text, and when their semester is finally over and they’re both free, Toni wants to go stargazing despite the cold. Shelby meets up with her after her shift one Saturday and they drive out to this deserted hilltop and lay out on a thick blanket in Toni’s truck bed and look up at the stars. There’s another blanket overtop of them, helping keep them warm, and Shelby doesn’t think it’s quite a _date_ date, but it’s a nice start. 

They talk for a while, then kiss for even longer, and Shelby gets antsy eventually, fumbles for the waistband of Toni’s pants and it snowballs into Shelby losing her virginity under Toni right there in the truck bed. She wants to do it again, right afterward, and only feels a little bit selfish when she breathes hard and pushes on Toni’s head suggestively, but Toni’s eyes are dark and immediately her head slips beneath the blanket and then Shelby’s arching into her and moaning out the words on the tip of her tongue.

“Would you like to go out sometime?”

Toni pauses below her, which makes Shelby whimper with frustration, and then Toni’s voice drifts up uncertainly from underneath the blanket.

“…Obviously.”

***

A month later, while Toni’s sitting on the couch with Becca in Shelby’s apartment and Shelby’s popping popcorn in the kitchen for the movie they’re about to watch, Becca says, “Hey, Toni, can I ask you something?”

“’Sup?”

“The first day you saw Shelby at the bowling alley. You and Regan were midway through separating at the time, right? So you were kind of single.”

“Yeah…”

“Say Shelby just walks right up and asks you out on a date, there and then. What do you say?”

“Oh, fuck yes. Easily.”

There’s a sudden commotion from the kitchen and when both girls look over, Shelby’s spilled several plastic bowls all over the floor and is blushing furiously at the both of them. 

“Shut up,” she warns Becca, and Becca just shakes with silent, victorious laughter.


End file.
